onewhoisall | (no subject)

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She doesn't speak much on their way there. Glancing beside her to check that Steph was still there, that Steph was still alive beside her, Cass pressed her lips into a thin line before leaning back. Tugging Steph out into the corridor, she led Steph down towards her apartment before fumbling with her keys to open the door. Kicking her shoes off, she announced her arrival home by the loud deliberate scuffling and thwack of shoes meeting the back of the sofa. She turned her head to check for Kaine.

Hn. He was either not home or in the bedroom or bathroom. Turning her head she listed for the sound of him before glancing towards the bathroom. He better not have been drinking.

"I'm home," Cass called out before tugging Steph into the apartment. Closing the door behind Steph, she looked at her friend carefully before nodding. Steph needed clothes which meant leaving her.

"I'll go get clothes. If Kaine comes... just-" Cass made a gesture of her hand that might either be hit him or shake his hand. To be fair with Kaine either was accurate. "I'm in there."

Cass wandered towards their bedroom, discarding socks and abandoning them behind her.

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She has heard more about Cass being naked today than in the rest of their friendship combined. Not that she's a prude and, you know, fly free naked ninja bird, but wow is it a lot. Also, a yelling boyfriend, that makes Steph frown, but Cass says it with affection so she lets it pass.

Besides, bigger issues at hand what with all the naked and boyfriend and fucking Cass is doing.

"Uhhhhhhhh, not that kind of protection!" She's trying to be quiet as she follows Cass back down the hallways, but that's not exactly a Stephanie Brown strongsuit. "Birth control, Cass! Birth control!"

"Oh, huh. You should have said," Cass replied. Not acknowledging if they did or did not use birth control. It wasn't that it was personal but she wasn't sure what did or did not count as it. She'd ask someone eventually. Maybe not Kaine, he tended to get annoyed at those sorts of questions and would probably inevitably freak out about it all. "Birth control. That is what it is called. I did not know kevlar had many other names."

She was teasing on that. It would make her smile to see Steph freak out some more.

Steph groans and rubs her hands over her face. Are they seriously having this conversation right now? An hour ago she was dying and now she's here and talking to Cass about apparently not using birth control with her serious boyfriend?T She is not emotionally equipped for this mood whiplash.

"Jesus, Cass, no, it's not kevlar! How would that- that doesn't even make sense as another name for it. Birth control is- if you don't take it you're going to get knocked up by Mr. Muscle if you're boning as much as you make it sound!"

Her voice, it has a way of carrying.

I'm not sure if I want to be here, listening to this, but I think Cass will be upset if I leave right now. I know that this girl means a lot to her and if she's important to Cass then she's important to me. I'm no expert but I'm pretty sure that's how relationships work, or at least how they should work.

Of course, the conversation I walk in on is one I really don't want to hear. I start to reconsider running away.

"It's Kaine. Mr. Muscle is my father's name," I say, pausing a moment before adding. "Kidding, I don't have a father."

Cass stared at Kaine, a hint of a smile almost on her lips before she leaned up and brushed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. Pressing her hand against his chest, she dropped back down as she tried to keep her face straight.

"Steph wants to know what protection we use because she is concerned about our boning so much." Cass said. Her lips twitching, almost indicating that she was teasing to Kaine. "Kevlar doesn't count."

"Oh my Gooooooooood." Never has she so wanted the ability to just melt into an embarrassed puddle on the floor. This whole thing is an unholy confluence of awkward. "I really don't- I mean- look, I'm just a girl who is very passionate about preventing unwanted pregnancies. Because being a pregnant teen just because your boyfriend didn't want to glove it up is just the worst."

"What? No, no. We're not- we're not going to have children," I say, eyes wide with horror. That isn't something that's going to happen, it's not because I'm a mess. I'd never want a child to be something I'm responsible for. Cass would be an amazing mother, weird but amazing, but I'm not equipped to look after a tiny person.

"Then you have to glove it up. That is a rather stupid phrase, we don't wear gloves unless we're wearing our suits. Hn, those are impractical to have sex in." Cass replied thoughtfully, keeping her lips a thin line of seriousness as she considered the pair of them. Leaning up she pressed a kiss against the corner of Kaine's mouth as he continued to freak out a little. "You both make it far too easy for me to tease you."

"No- it's, Jesus, Cass, a penis glove!" Steph is right on the edge between laughing and hysterical. "You have to- not you, I mean, he..." She glances over at Kaine in utter apology for causing this conversation to happen. "Has to wear a condom. Like a rubber glove but for the...you know."

"I'm going to go look for someone in a ridiculous costume trying to rob a bank," I say. Because this is not the sort of conversation I want to be having right now. Or ever. Well, at least not with Cass's friend right there making everything about a million times more awkward. I'd much rather be fighting crime.

Cass reached out snagging Kaine's hand before sliding her fingers through his, keeping him here with her. Cass pressed her lips together in a rather smug, little smile before drawing his captured hand around her. She leans back against the warmth of his body, smiling a little at the way Steph is freaking out loudly and Kaine is at the point of escaping through the window.

"You are both far too easy," Cass replied, a soft teasing smile lingering on her lips. "You can go later, then come back and we'll swap. Then we can see who captures the most."

Steph heaves a great sigh and wishes again for superpowers. Maybe the power to de-awkward a situation, just suck up all the weird and self-conscious like a dustbuster. She comes into this guy's home, wears his clothes, talks about his penis...not off to a good start. And Cass is enjoying this. Also, more PDA than she would have expected.

"So you go out at night too?" Which, now that she says it aloud, could mean either crime-fighting or prostitution, but too late now. "What's your thing?"

It's crime-fighting. Everyone's got a thing.

Oh good, a distraction. It was kind of a weird one but I'm more than happy to have a distraction right now because Cass will just keep teasing and baiting us if we don't change the subject right now. Not that Cass won't find a way to make this next one awkward.

"Spider. I'm- I'm the Scarlet Spider."

Cass opened her mouth to tell Steph about his abilities and how they had used them but changed her mind from the looks on both of their faces. It really was too easy to embarrass them both.

"He's a meta. Like Conner." Cass replied. He was like Conner in some ways but completely different in others. He was... Kon would always be her first kiss but Kaine would be her first always. First everything. Everything that mattered. "Steph is like me, she's hn... not too bad. I helped train her for a little bit."

"Oh, that's cool. So...you turn into a giant red spider or something?" You couldn't get much crime fought if he turned into a normal-sized one. I mean, even Charlotte and her web could only accomplish so much, and she was the ultimate spider.

"I'm basically human garbage compared to Cass," Steph tells him, which is maybe a needlessly harsh way to phrase it but not untrue. "She's a cheetah, I'm a fat tabby with tree legs."

Nope, not much better.

"Sure, just like Cass grows giant wings and moves around using echolocation," I say, giving her a flat look. Turn into a giant red spider. Smarta ss.

I don't now how Conner is or why I'm like him. Cass has probably told me who Conner is and why I'm like him but I probably wasn't paying attention at the time. Or not enough attention that I'd actually remember who or what Conner is.

"Compared to Cass everyone is a fat cat missing a limb. Just ask her, she'll tell you as much."

"Spider-like abilities." Cass replied, she let out a tch noise at both of their assessment of their own characters and hers. She didn't think either of them were cats at all- oh, wait they were using it as a metaphor. She disliked metaphors sometimes. "No, other people have their strengths. I'm just better at some things but I was trained to be the best. Steph was Robin, it means she was training to be more hn, detective than me. And Kaine is... getting quicker and more resilient. And better at setting up traps for me. Your first one... sucked?"

"That would be more of a Girl-Bat thing, the whole transforming into a wild bat beast. But I think Man-Bat still has the market on that whole thing." She says it casually, like it's not completely ridiculous for there to be a Man-Bat that is wholly different from a Batman.

Yeah, training to be a detective and missed the crucial fact that Batman just happened to also be Matches Malone. The thought makes her wince but she tries not to let it show. "Oh, is your romance all, half-love, half-fight?"

Steph gets it, kinda. Her first meeting Tim did involve bricking him in the face.

"Half-love, half-fight, all insults from her," I say, glaring at Cass. I know it's not really insults though and she knows that I know. Still, I hold out hope that one of these days she'll realize you don't have to say everything you think or say it so bluntly. But that day isn't today and it's probably not tomorrow.

"But no one else will put up with me so I deal with it."

"Lots of people would put up with you or at least think they would, they probably would not if they realised your shower routine." Cass replied, a teasing smiling on her lips as he glares at her. Her hands on his body were soft, showing that she was poking- teasing and not serious at all about that- about the shower thing at least. Cass knew there were people who would take Kaine, who looked at him like he was a tall glass of water in the desert. She wouldn't let anyone take him from her though. She loved him after all. "And I complimented your form the other day."

The fact that she had complimented him while she had him pinned down in bed riding him was probably not the point. And not one she mentioned, see she was learning... a little.

"I mean...good. That's good." She sort of doesn't know what to say in response to their weird couple teasing, so unused to this Cass with a boyfriend thing. Also the touching, because that is just continuing to happen.

Suddenly, Steph just feels so, so tired.

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