(no subject)

[onewhoisall]

I move, silently and effortlessly beside him running with him in time. He has his abilities to rely upon but this was who I was born to be. Effortless, deadly, silent, ruthless. I train him hard, waiting as I hit each part of him first with fists and sticks and leg strikes until his body is warmer and until his reactions are quicker. This was the warm up.

And then I made him run, suicide drills, back and forth. Until his breath is quicker, until there is sweat on his brow and until he is beginning to understand. I won't stop, not yet. I move to intercept him suddenly, pressing my body against his and leaning my weight into his before bending and using his momentum to throw him over my body. My lips curl into a smile before I turn my head.

"Always expect the unexpected... now push ups, two hundred. Then you may have a break," I say simply, the may hinting at the possibility. We have been training for hours so far but it isn't enough just yet. He has to be stronger, he has to be quicker, he has much to learn.

Comments

[onewhoisall]

"Hn, not that kind of balance." Cass replied patiently. Bending to touch his leg and indicate if he is so balanced he should lift one leg and place it against his thigh. A common yoga pose that would be simple if he had spiritual and physical balance. "How am I devious? I have told you my intentions again and again."

[badtotheclone]

"You want to see me balance? Fine."

Stepping away, I bend over and put a hand on the floor. Jumping up, I balance myself on one hand, then just two fingers, and finally just one finger. I don't think you can get more balanced than that.

"Just because you're honest about one thing doesn't make you devious about other things!" I tell her, pushing my shirt out of the way as it falls down around my face.

[onewhoisall]

"Now, hold that pose for at least an hour. And no moving," Cass replied, expression clearly unimpressed by the one finger trick. Her lips tugged into a small smile, placing her own foot against her thigh before she stretched her arms and body up before settling into a comfortable, relaxing pose. "What am I devious about?"

[badtotheclone]

"You hold it for an hour," I snap, patience wearing thin. This is why I don't train with people. This is why I don't do anything with people. For my entire life until recently I was dying. Rapidly. I never had time to waste and that gave me a few bad habits.

"This is stupid," I add, coming down from the pose. "And pointless. We've been at this for hours and I'm more angry than when I started. Look, I appreciate your help, and you tried. But I'm a lost cause. I'm always going to be angry. You know why? Because I will always hate myself and nothing will ever change that."

[onewhoisall]

"I will," Cass replied at the sudden fury or words and emotion. She looked at him, sighing as the frustration and anger rolls off his skin suddenly coming to a boil again. Shaking her head, she dropped her foot to the floor before grabbing his wrists. Fingertips circling them before she stepped in close to him. "Then accept that, accept your anger and control it. But don't only half attempt something."

Cass slid forward wrapping her arms, loosely around his middle before stretching her hands up the tight, tense muscles of his back.

"I don't hate you, stop trying to make me. It won't work," Cass replied before staring up at him thoughtfully. "Hn, perhaps massage instead of meditation."

[badtotheclone]

"You're going to hate me eventually."

And that's the crux of it. There isn't any point in letting people get close because eventually they realize truly what a monster I am. That, or I get them hurt or killed. I don't want to have something with Cass only to have it taken away.

"Someday, someone will show up here that I'm going to kill. I will kill them and have absolutely no regret about it and balancing on one finger for an hour isn't going to help or change that."

[onewhoisall]

"I don't hate my father, I don't hate him for what he does or for who he is or what he has done to me? So, why would I hate you?" Cass replied, sliding her fingertips up his back and pressing against the tight knot of muscle. Perhaps meditation wasn't the correct way, perhaps massage was after all. "You don't have to kill, there are other ways... you need to learn you have a choice. Or accept that you think you don't and stop being so hn, angry about it."

[badtotheclone]

I can feel my body relaxing almost against my will as she continues to rub along my back. I should push her away, but I'm too weak to do that right now because the contact is nice. It's more than just physical, it's her way of showing that even when I'm at my most upset, she'll be there for me.

It's a scary trap to fall into, but I figure that allowing this is okay. This and nothing more is okay for now.

"There are certain people I will definitely choose to kill," I murmur. "I killed in that other place. I killed myself. Cut my head off."

[onewhoisall]

Cass let out a soft and thoughtful 'Mmmm' as she listened to his body and the way he accepts this contact. He might not accept her words, her advice or her... hn, advances but this he didn't hide from. Not yet at least. Wrapping her other arm around him, Cass pressed her fingers into the knots of his back. Massage not meditation then. And training.

"I know, there are people that I could kill but I won't. Maybe in time you won't either," Cass replied simply, stretching her fingertips up his shoulderblades and pressing into the muscle. "Killing is easy, letting them live is the hard part."

[badtotheclone]

I won't ever buy her logic. She and Peter are alike in that and I think they're equally wrong. Sometimes death is the best, is the right option. I don't claim to necessarily do the right thing all the time, but I don't think I always do the wrong thing.

"Blinking is easy, doesn't mean it's not the right thing to do."

I'm careful not to lean into her while she rubs my back. That would be far too much like an embrace and if I just stand here, then it's not comfort I'm receiving, just easing the pain of tired muscles. At least that's what I tell myself.

[onewhoisall]

"There is a difference between right and necessity." Cass replied just as stubbornly, feeling the way his body relaxes just a little. Making a soft noise, she stood closer pressing her weight and strength into her hands as she massaged up his shoulder blades. "Hn... you like this. Perhaps this is way exercise and this."

[badtotheclone]

"Then sometimes sparing someone might be right, but killing them might be necessary," I say with a grin that has nothing to do with her moving closer. Probably nothing. Hopefully nothing.

"So you're going to do this every time I get angry?"

[onewhoisall]

"Maybe, wouldn't want to encourage you. Hn, you're too tall." Cass murmured, tilting her head at the grin before she leaned closer and sighed at him. "You should learn to speak with one voice. And not... two."

[badtotheclone]

"I'm not too tall. I'm like half a foot shorter than I used to be," I tell her. Not that I miss that much, it's kind of nice blending into a crowd.

"You should listen to the voice that comes out of my mouth. That's the one I mean to express myself with."

[onewhoisall]

"Tch, too tall." Cass replied shuffling her foot slightly. Partly just to hear the sound but maybe because of something else. She sighed, shrugging her own shoulders before tapping his and stepping away. "You're confusing. Hn... come on, let's make you angry again. More training?"

[badtotheclone]

I don't know if I'm relieved when she moves away from me or not. Having her close feels good, but I don't want that. That's not something I should have. Best not to think about it.

"You do anything with that foot, and I will web you to the wall and leave you there this time," I say, having not missed the movement.

[onewhoisall]

"That's not what it meant," Cass replied, glancing at him over her shoulder before picking up a fresh set of wraps. He was frustrating, annoying, stubborn and yet... she liked him. She just wished he was more like Conner in some ways. "You'll learn."

[badtotheclone]

"Then what did it... you know what? Fuck this. I'm going to start leaving you written notes expression what I want," I say, growling. I know she can't read, and that's the point. I can't read most of her body language so it seems fair to me to start doing it.

[onewhoisall]

"Don't..." Cass said softly, the heat and shame of what she can't do flooding her cheeks before she concentrated on wrapping her hands securely. She didn't like the idea of him doing that to her. "It means I like you."

[badtotheclone]

If I was a better person, I would probably notice her reaction to leaving the notes, but I'm so worked up again that I don't.

"Then don't get frustrated when I don't understand what you're telling me with body language! It's the same thing," I argue, running my hands through my hair. "It's not fun for me to misunderstand you. Either express more with your words or teach me to read body language."

The implication is there that I want to understand her more, that I want to communicate better with her. If she wants me to learn to read body language and is willing to teach me, then fine. I'm pretty good at languages and for her I'd learn. But something has got to change.

[onewhoisall]

"No, it's not." Cass replied, her voice cool and calm and collected. The voice her father, Bruce, had taught her. He didn't understand why she spoke, she didn't understand that someone had twisted her mind and broke her so that she had thoughts now. He didn't know or understand and she didn't know the words to tell him that. "I am expressing with words. They aren't mine, this isn't my language- it's yours."

Cass scowled, turning to look at him before she pointed a finger at him. Her shoulders tense but her body close to his. Her foot against his, her ankle almost hooked around his. Angry, angry but friendly. Angry yet caring about him. "Tell me what I am saying."

[badtotheclone]

"Then teach me your language!" I say, both angry and desperate.

I realize that I don't want to be at odds with her like this, at least not this much. I want her to understand what I'm telling her and to understand what she's trying to tell me. I can't do that though if she doesn't teach me.

"You're saying you're not good at expressing things verbally. With your foot, I don't fucking know, that you're going to try and trip me or something."

[onewhoisall]

She ran her hand through her hair, frustration at his inability to see how she spoke. Others just accepted it, didn't question it and interpreted it how they liked but he got angry. He was always so angry. Like her. But wilder where she was controlled.

"No," Cass replied softly. The poke to his chest soft though the finger still held the anger she meant. She jerked her finger down to her foot. "No, that means I like you. It's close and soft. These-" Her shoulders tense and her upper body in conflict with her lower. "-means I am angry at you. If I was going to trip you, you wouldn't know it."

[badtotheclone]

"Why the foot?" I ask. I don't know if there's any sort of significance about the foot. If it's just about how the foot is touching me, then maybe I can learn to interpret this sort of thing. The set of the shoulders is easy.

"And what is my body telling you?" I ask. Right now I'm feeling frustrated, both because she's making me upset and because I want to understand her. I want to connect with her.

[onewhoisall]

"Because when I touch you with my hands you get tense and defensive. You want me touch you but you don't, this is simpler." Cass replied, pressing the back of her foot against the back of his ankle. Cass looked at him, reading his body and the words he practically screams with them. "Frustrated. Upset. Not as angry. Kaine... why do you want to learn this?"